Saturday, January 14, 2012
Staceyann Chin Brings a Miracle into the World!
Staceyann Chin welcomes a beautiful baby girl into the world Zuri- Siale. Reading about her journey via the Huffington Post and Facebook has definitely been thought provoking. Now her beautiful miracle is here and I am glad that she can experience the gift of family. Ever since reading her book The Other Side of Paradise and listening to her dope poetry on Def Poetry Jam, I have become a big fan.
For my Daughter
I’ve already forgotten
the times you threatened/to fall
clots of red from my inadequate uterus
in the middle of the night
rushed me fretting to the hospital
praying to a god I’m not quite sure I ever believed in
for your survival/I was unwilling to take chances
just in case the conservative nuts were right about something
I chanted/said some semblance of contrition
made promises I knew I could not keep
if only you would stay
I would do this or that
differently/knowing full well
I love the map of my present life
I’ve nearly forgotten the ptyalism/which is really
a fancy way to say the mouth
fills frothy with globules of spit/interrupting
conversations/in every room
I vomited/bled/spat out the belief/more hope
that I could be somebody’s mother
now I am yours
tiny life beginning
with such a choir of good wishes preceding
know always you were wanted/loved
by more than just me
my own mother left me early
first years flying
low self-esteem to begin the journey
of how could I love anyone
when my own mother never loved me/cliché
how could anyone
hold a candle to that first abandonment
all my life I have tip-toed/fought
begged for acceptance
from a complete circle
closed by the unforgiving women
sharing my genetic material
we are good at sitting in judgment of others
clacking our mouths pursed in disapproval
I was amazed at how they could never say
anything good
of my accomplishments
only my shortcomings/real and perceived
they lamented how odd I am/different from my mother
but odd nonetheless/the apple never fall far
watch that tree/it will come to no fruit
but look at you now
daughter
it is my intention to be
different/with you
you were lucky enough to be born
girl/I am looking forward
to watching you become/woman
I can hardly wait
to hear your voice/even in opposition to my own
and we should admit early
that politics are hard
on mothers and daughters
I expect us to rumble/wrestle
create generational bruises that will have to be survived
partake in arguments that will have to be
apologized for
I have done my best to name you
in preparation for a road I imagine
will look oddly similar/different from mine
vulnerable/resilient/rock of beauty/reason for love
I hope your name
will help you carry justice in your palms
keep your intentions clean/with the cloths
of warrior women who came ahead of you
ahead of me/mine include
Madonnas/whores/mad women in attics
old maids/witches/ hags
virgins who were never really virgins
except when they needed to be
smart women/make your own list of saints
fondle it often
this rosary of Amazonian nomenclatures
recite them/chant them as prayer
for your own daughter
for your mother/who often thinks she knows
more than she does
forgive me/daughter/for the sins I know
will stain your childhood with confusion
later
send you to some strangers expensive couch
to thrash out how your mother
never loved you/loved you too much
therapists will always find our hidden dysfunction
but if I do anything right
you will be fierce/not necessarily loud like me
but you will have cause to challenge me
call me archaic/pick apart my philosophies
I hope we will be able to breathe through it
not unlike the way I breathed
through sixteen hours of labor/contracting
no drugs to fool the body
twisting/transitioning/shaking off
the ills of my own childhood
intermittent pains
preparing my womb/spreading cervix dilating
six centimeters/one hundred percent effacing
I was prepared to go all the way
and then nothing
needle to spine/tap-tap for five hours later
no change/except your heart slowing
beginning the rush of doctors
inserting tubes/drugs/hands to encourage you
to beat faster
oxygen mask over mouth
I mumbled the list of saints I kept ready
Audre
Adrienne
June
Jean
Patricia
Bernice
your heart pulsed wild then
rapid dance making the decision
to slice me smiling hip to hip
blood pouring numb in the cold operating room
and then you were here
wide-eyed and alert/you surveyed the damage
and did not blink
I remember thinking
this child will always send me into panic
such is the terror of motherhood
you cannot save your child
from everything
but you cannot help trying
flying right into the eye of some hurricane
because you heard she might have gone there
for a party
wild ride ahead/child I’m ready
welcome to the village
glad you here/now/taking up space
here’s to you/finding among us
even more room to grow
~Staceyann Chin~
Congratulations!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Connect
0 comments:
Post a Comment